Oh. OH. WANKY. WANKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Then I’ll keep saying it. I always mean it.

There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m perfect. Those other two are questionable… I WILL IF I WANT TO. DON’T WOMAN ME. I’m not fat, I know that. I still think Zach’s trying to fatten me up for the winter though. …Your cheese never ends, does it.

Yeah, you’re welcome for that. I figured I’d allow you a “wanky.” I know you do. Thank you.

Right, of course. Um, no, excuse me, my fiancée is perfect. NO. You’re not even close, lady. Is lady better than woman? ..I wasn’t even trying to be.. It is out of control.


But it’s more than that too, duh.

Like what?


You lie. I don’t believe this. Who told you this nonsense? I know, you overachiever. I’m proud of you for it.

Oh no. No cute here. Fierce bitch, yes. Cute, no. SKINNY MINNIE EXCUSE YOU. HOW ABOUT NO. I didn’t say that.

My professors might be lying to me. But if that was the case, we’d have quite a few kids by now. I mean, err. Thank you. I like hearing that.

Ugh. What is wrong with you and Kris and Ev? You’re allowed to be cute. DON’T CAPS LOCK AT ME, WOMAN. You are SKINNY. Maybe not, but I did, because it’s true.


I said bigger, not taller. You’re the one who brought height into this.

Taller is bigger though.


WHAT. YOU’RE JOKING. See?! Look at you! Ruining your OWN PLAN. What the hell, Shay?!

Oh, shush. I love food, okay. Obviously. You saw how big my legs are getting, good lord. Well, that’s just adorable.

I know, it’s shocking. Apparently you can’t impregnate people with the same parts, who knew. Would you be quiet?! I’m trying to save lives here, excuse you.

It’s kind of cute, don’t worry. Oh my god, don’t even start, you skinny Minnie. She is pretty adorable, I agree.


Jerkface though? Really? Is the name-calling necessary?

It is when you bring my height into it. That’s not fair.


You could totally get married on a boat. Just have the ceremony on the deck, hello. And hire a midwife and boom. Birth at sea. The whole ‘becoming a doctor’ thing creates a problem. Way to ruin the plan, Shay. Nicely done.

BROWNIES. DELICIOUS. Candles might be a little dangerous with Mal running around though. She likes to jump.

…I don’t know if you know this, but I can’t exactly get Kris pregnant, nor can she me. Hey, shut it. This plan wouldn’t even exist if it weren’t for me and Kris.

I love how you run a bakery and still get overexcited when people talk about baking things. Aw. The piggies were asleep and I got a slow dance out of it, so I am very, very happy.


Shay, I’m bigger than you.

By like two inches, jerkface. Everyone’s bigger than me.